Faier Disputations: Are Homemakers What America Really Needs?

As a young mother, I hated being told that I was doing “the toughest job in the world.” The patronizing pity rankled. I understood that people said things like this to be kind, but to me, the phrase “toughest job” seemed spectacularly inapt in capturing the real reasons why motherhood was a struggle.

If motherhood were a job (I used to fume, in socially acceptable settings), it would be the epitome of a dead-end job. You’re paid nothing, but you can’t quit. You never go off the clock. It doesn’t look good on a resume, because caretaking is decidedly low-status. Though traditionalists often blame this on feminism, I was not convinced that things could ever be otherwise. In America, we attach high status to jobs with good pay, rarified skills, and a competitive selection process. Motherhood stacks up abysmally on all fronts. It was possible, perhaps, to attain respectability as a mom, but that’s about as good as it gets. And (I thought at the time) I’m trying my best to come to terms with this reality, so please spare me your lame attempt to recast domesticity as a demanding career.